


I've Got Just One Regret to Live Through

by NotWithYouTonight



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-30 02:15:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3919072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotWithYouTonight/pseuds/NotWithYouTonight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As giant human-like monsters roam the world outside of the three great walls humans call home, Darcy Ackerman and her husband Levi struggle to keep their marriage from crumbling. Neither of them would have guessed that the reason they would be pushed to divorce would not be the monsters that attempted to eat them, but instead money and lies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not So Newly Wed

"I'm leaving," Levi Ackerman called sharply throughout the open apartment, signaling he was tired of waiting. There was a certain ring to his voice that echoed off of the walls and signaled finality. He spun around to the door, glancing at the small stand with a pile of shoes completely unkempt. He sighed and fought the urge to tidy the shoes and instead reached for the doorknob. As he unhooked the door latch, he heard quick feet bounding down the stairs. He turned to look to the landing.

Darcy Ackerman jumped down the last few steps, looking completely out of sorts. "Waitwaitwaitwaitwait," she called loudly as she quickly moved into the common area and kitchen, in search of something. Her curly red hair did messily into a braid bounced up and down on her right shoulder as she ran around the small abode. "I can't find my shoes."

"Tch," Levi scoffed, not completely satisfied with her answer. He made for the door again. "Shadis won't accept this as an excuse. It's not my job to take care of you."

"In sickness and in health!" Darcy called back sweetly. Levi could hear her throwing things around in the kitchen and his look soured. A second later she was back around the stairs, exclaiming as she saw the pile of shoes. She dug through them quickly, throwing some over her shoulder into another pile. All the while Levi glared down at her angrily.

Just as Darcy found the pair of shoes she was tearing up the house for, Levi turned and headed out the door without so much as a goodbye. "HEY!" Darcy called as she struggled to quickly tie her shoes. "LEVI!"

Levi kept walking, turning onto the street in front of the apartment, and headed towards the open area of land near the gate. Wall Maria rose fifty feet above his head, casting everything in a dull bluish-grey shadow. At this eyesight it seemed as if the wall was a straight line across the landscape, but Levi knew how it slightly curved, encompassing a vast amount of land.

Most people felt small compared to the wall. It was a giant structure that safely protected the large town of Shiganshina from the massive human-like monsters just on the other side. But Levi, who was a member of the Survey Corps, the only military team allowed outside of the wall, felt huge in comparison.

Yet he was still grateful the wall was there. No one knew the origins of the wall, such as who built it or exactly when it was built. But the protection it served keeping Darcy safe, he could never afford to lose that.

"LEVI!" he heard Darcy call behind him, and he stopped and turned to look at his wife. She had made it down to the street, walking towards him, looking flushed and spiteful. "Will you wait? I can't run!"

Levi patiently waited for the redhead to catch up to him, taking a moment to revel in her beauty. The small woman was only a few inches shorter than him. Levi thought she had great curves, but could never admit that that was one of his reasons for marrying her, for fear of being castrated. The way she walked was also beautiful, in a very fluid motion, besides for a slight delay on the step of her left foot – remnants of a broken kneecap. She had mesmerizing green eyes – when they weren't glaring angrily at him – yet Levi loved to set her off and watch them darken on him. He also glanced at the ring glinting on her left hand, and felt his ego swell slightly to know that she was his, and only his.

Even though he made her angry, sometimes purposefully, sometimes not, Levi knew he loved Darcy and would do almost anything to keep her with him.

"That house better be damn spotless when I get home tonight," Levi threatened as Darcy finally caught up to him, signaling one thing he would not give up for her: his cleanliness.

Darcy huffed, her cheeks still slightly flushed. "Yeah, yeah."

The couple was silent on their way into town. It was still fairly early, but most everyone had already awakened to begin his or her day. The smell of freshly baking bread and pastries wafted through the air, and Darcy begged Levi to buy her some. At first he said no – they had bread at home, and although not this fresh, it was still good – but finally caved in. She decided on a butter pastry and offered her husband half, which he begrudgingly took and savored.

As they crossed the river, Levi felt soft fingers loop through his calloused ones, and knew Darcy had completely forgiven him for earlier. Foolish woman, he thought. Yet he didn't pull his hand away.

"Millie will be coming over tonight with Adair," Darcy filled the silence. She was referring to her sister and brother in law. "We're having dinner together. So if you could come home a little early, that would be helpful."

"Will Millie be helping make dinner?" Levi questioned, looking at his wife. She caught his gaze and immediately squinted her eyes.

"…Very suspicious, Levi. Are you afraid of my cooking?"

"Slightly," he said, not offering any condolences. "You generally burn everything."

Darcy turned her nose to the air. She really wasn't surprised. Deep inside she knew she was a terrible cook, but kept thinking that maybe Levi would eventually be forced to love her burnt meals for lack of anything else to eat. She also wasn't surprised at his truthful answers; the Survey Corps, Levi in particular, were known for being no nonsense and completely truthful. Even if that meant hurting Darcy's feelings.

"I do not burn everything. I didn't burn the salad last night."

Levi snorted. "Only because you didn't have to cook it. Besides, you burnt the oatmeal this morning."

"So what if I like my oatmeal dry? All that water is too much."

"You like your oatmeal dry and completely black?"

"It wasn't all black! Furthermore, burning food gives it a nice flavor. It's yummier that way."

"I beg to differ."

"Your opinion doesn't matter until you begin cooking your own meals, mister. Since I cook, and you always eat it even if it is burnt, I think you really actually like my cooking. So there," the young woman finalized, sticking her tongue out at her husband. Levi looked down upon the redhead with indifferent eyes, although inside he was trying not to smirk. There was the spitfire he had married, the one he loved to piss off. Though Levi could be the harsher one, Darcy had her moments when she would push against him in an attempt to be alpha.

"Such a lovely countenance, Darcy," a deep voice resonated behind them. Darcy quickly pulled her tongue back into her mouth as she spun to face the newcomer. She was met with a pair of stark blue eyes and wavy blond hair atop a tall, well built man.

"Oh," she laughed softly, her cheeks flushing. "Good morning, Captain Erwin. Nice morning, huh? Great view."

"I'll say," Erwin Smith said, not even glancing at the pink sky above them. He continued to smile down at Darcy kindly. "Have you come to help take care of the horses again?"

Darcy shook her head. "No, no, unfortunately not. I have to head to the market today. And clean the house. And apparently take cooking lessons," the redhead finished, breaking eye contact with Erwin. Instead she glared at Levi, who looked back unresponsively.

Erwin Smith, who was dressed in the green Scout Regiment cloak overtop the military-issued nude jacket, shook his head disappointedly. "Such a shame. I'm sure the horses miss you, especially Acorn."

"And Buttercup!" Darcy laughed as she referred to Levi's black stallion.

"Stop calling him that," Levi scoffed quietly.

"Yeah, Buttercup too," Erwin said, also ignoring Levi. "Anyways, you should stop by my office sometime. It'd be great to catch up. I'll always have a hot cup of tea with your name on it."

Darcy smiled kindly and nodded her head. "Sounds great. I'll keep that in mind."

Erwin turned to the Scout Regiment headquarters, which now happened to be just on the other side of the cobblestone street. Darcy watched his broad shoulders as the captain walked away to the entrance, thinking back to the days when she was in top shape and didn't have a hurt knee to worry about. For a moment the young woman was pulled into her memories, but then she felt a pair of warm lips on her temple and turned up to Levi.

"Clean the house, Darcy" he ordered, turning to the entrance to headquarters.

Darcy waited as Levi's hand slipped out of hers. She instantly felt cold and alone standing on the corner as two of her best friends turned their backs on her. "…I love you too, Levi."

In the end, it turned out to be a pretty busy day for Darcy, and she had soon forgotten about the lonely walk to the marketplace. After finishing shopping for dinner, she returned home to completely scrub down the house from top to bottom ("We'll see if that bastard complains now!" she kept exclaiming.) and get in some sewing time before Millie, her sister, knocked on the door in the beginning of the afternoon.

As the stew boiled over the fireplace, the two women gossiped away at the kitchen table.

"So when am I going to be seeing some nieces and nephews?" Millie asked forcefully. Generally Millie, who was the older and taller sister, began all conversations with Darcy like this. It was only a miracle that the two had made it through the full preparation of supper before the questioning started.

Darcy laughed softly, sipping on some tea. "I should be asking you the same thing. You and Adair have been married for a year and a half now."

"Yeah, but Adair also runs his own shop at the marketplace," Millie skirted. She looked a lot like Darcy, with the same green eyes and round face, but did not have the bright red hair and freckles. Instead she had a darker auburn that shined gold when caught in the right light. "So he's generally pretty busy and we have no time to even discuss raising kids. Isn't Levi just an officer though? So you guys should have tons more time than Adair and I."

Darcy shook her head. "No, Levi is a Senior Team Lead, so he's in charge of eight other team leaders. He's actually quite busy. And he only gets a couple of days off each week, which he makes me spend cleaning of course. Anyways, I don't think it's the right time for kids for us."

"Why not?" Millie frowned.

"…Well…you know how they say the timing just seems right?" Darcy asked, caught up in her thoughts and not really paying attention to her sister. "…It just doesn't seem right for Levi and me. Not that I'm having second thoughts about our marriage, not at all. I love Levi with all my heart. It's just that Levi doesn't seem like he wants to have kids now, and I think he's too busy to think about having kids. Besides, I can't even cook my husband a decent meal, so how am I supposed to feed an infant something that won't kill them?"

Millie laughed wholeheartedly with a big smile flashing across her face. "That's the perfect time to have kids! You guys are just in the final stages of being newly-weds for right now."

"We're not that newly-wed. We've been married for eleven months," Darcy pointed out.

"Besides, Levi doesn't seem like the guy to marry you if he didn't love you. I'm sure he has to be damn sure he loves you to even say the words 'I love you'. Marriage leads to kids, Darcy, its just fact."

"Then where are your kids?" Darcy laughed.

"What else is there," Millie asked as she pointedly ignored her sister's question, "to you not wanting to have kids?" This time the older sister stared Darcy down intimidatingly, as if looking directly into her soul. As much as Darcy wanted to look away, she couldn't. Her sister always knew how to force information out of her.

Darcy started slowly. "…It's just…the Scouting Regiment…" The redhead bit her lip as she stared down at her reflection in her cup. "Levi, he won't say anything to me. He never does. But I know for a fact that the budget for the Scouting Regiment was cut drastically this year, and I know that even Levi's pay was cut. I don't know by how much, of course he won't tell me. But he won't even tell me if it's serious or not. Levi gets paid quite a bit, enough to definitely support him, but what about us? What if there are money issues and he won't tell me because I can't work anymore?"

It was quiet in the kitchen afterwards as waterworks threatened to flush Darcy's eyes. Millie watched her sympathetically. The redhead's breathing had picked up, her chest heaving slightly as she fought her tears. As her face began to match her vibrant hair, Millie softly squeezed her sister's hand that wasn't gripping tightly to her teacup.

"…And that's why they call it marriage," the auburn spoke quietly. "I'm sure Levi hasn't told you anything because there's nothing to tell. Trust him."

The problem was that Darcy did trust Levi, but this wouldn't have been the first time he had lied to her about something serious. In fact, there had been numerous occasions where Levi had told her lies, in which he thought it was for her wellbeing. In the end he had always confessed, but after she had conceded to believing him. And only after he was finally backed into a wall. It wasn't until it was necessary that he finally told her the full and total fact.

There was also the problem of Levi's personality. He was hard-wired to always tell the truth, especially if it was bad news. That was something he had learned while in the Capital and was ground-in during training for the Scouting Corps. Why he felt the need to lie to her, she could never figure out. So it did create slight distrust when it came to bigger issues. Darcy would always beg Levi to tell her the truth, and he said he was being completely truthful, but days or weeks or months later, the real truth would eventually find it's way into the open. It always threw Darcy through a loop.

"Dinner was delicious tonight," Levi whispered softly, kissing up her bare shoulder as the couple lay in bed later that night. "And you cleaned the house well. Thank you."

Darcy was lost in her own thoughts from the earlier conversation, though she did feel one of Levi's hands grope gently at her left hip. She lay on her back and stared up at the ceiling.

"You've been pretty quiet all night," his deep voice cut through the silence again, sending shivers down her spine. "I even had to entertain our guests at dinner, and you know how much I hate entertaining people." His face came to hover over hers when she still did not answer. His dark grey eyes found her green ones, although she seemed to look right through him. "Are you okay, Darcy?"

She rolled onto her side to look at husband, staring up at him with wide eyes. "…Levi…?" she asked slowly, still contemplating her question.

"Yes, brat?" he responded, gingerly kissing her lips.

She didn't know how Levi did it, but he always made her feel special and important, even when he was fighting with her. It must have been something to do with him even putting in the time to argue with her, when he could have ignored her completely. But as he caressed her naked body, she felt amazingly beautiful. She felt like no other man could create these feelings inside her. She knew that Levi always had her best intentions at heart, even if sometimes he did hurt her feelings or lie to her.

So why was she having these thoughts about money if she also felt like Levi had honest reasons for lying to her? Why was she so caught up in the middle of it, unable to fight one way or the other?

"Levi…is there… Do you want to have children?" she skirted at the last second, deciding to not ask Levi about money whatsoever.

"Do you want to have children?" He asked, although he seemed slightly surprised. She couldn't see him completely, but his wide eyes stood out in the darkness.

"…Yes," Darcy spoke softly, digging her face into Levi's neck and wrapping her arms around his chest. "I want to start a family with you."

"…Okay, Darcy." Levi responded, his hands roaming her body. He flipped her over so he hovered over her body, gently trailing fingertips down her stomach and creating goose bumps. The look in her eyes, amazed and confused that Levi had agreed, was apparent on Darcy's face. The giant smirk Levi showed was completely evident in the darkness, and Darcy wondered if she could actually feel his ego grow as she stared up at him helplessly. He leaned down to kiss her, gently at first, but beginning to grow rough. "Let's start a family."


	2. The Nightmare

It was raining heavily as Darcy rode Acorn, her mare, through a shallow marsh to the south of the Shiganshina District. Even though the mud and heavy thunderstorm were obscuring everything, the girl still reached up to brush the muck out of her eyes quickly before turning around to see Levi on her tail. He was on his horse Buttercup, a black stallion specifically bred by the Scouting Regiment. She was surprised to see his face looked fearful, with wide eyes and a pale complexion.

“Eyes forward!” He shouted loudly to her over the downpour and thundering hooves. His eyes focused on her green ones. “Don’t worry about behind you, just focus on moving as fast as you can!”

Darcy nodded just as lightning touched ground to their right side. The darkness completely vanished in that second, revealing the landscape around them. Hundreds of horses from the rest of the Scouting Regiment crew spotted the ground, all carrying a member or two of the Corps. The dark green hoods and Scouting Regiment symbol donned every member.

There were mountains far to the left of the team and open land everywhere else. The tall grass of the marsh blew roughly in the wind for miles. Even from here, only a few minutes from the gate to the land all humans called home, the Wall Maria was completely invisible.

And there, right behind Senior Leader Levi, stood a towering titan.

Darcy gawked, eyes completely wide and mouth agape, at the roughly eighteen-meter male-like monster behind the couple. The thing was sickening with long arms and short legs carrying a rounded body. The eyes weren’t completely lifeless, but they were completely void of intelligence. All in all, the titan looked somewhat human, besides this unbearable hunger in its eyes as it stared down at the black-haired officer.

Tongue rolling out of its gigantic mouth, the monster reached forward and swiped at Levi.

“NOOO!” Darcy demanded, jumping off of her horse and diving at the monster. As she rose in the air, her hands gripped two gun shaped objects, simply called handgrips, which she aimed at the titan and pulled a trigger on either device. Around her waist wrapped a harness carrying two rectangular objects on either side that housed numerous blades and steel wire. Upon triggering the handgrips, the wire shot out of either side and dug into the legs of the titan in order to connect Darcy to the beast and pull her in towards its heel. Darcy spun around effortlessly as she maneuvered through the air, gaining momentum and swinging herself around the feet of the monster. She used the handgrips to attach two blades, which she readied and aimed at the monster’s Achilles tendon.

Levi, still on his horse, grabbed the reins to Acorn and turned to watch his subordinate as she swung through the downpour.

Darcy’s gear and momentum carried her closer to the monster. It felt like hours to her. Time slowed down, allowing her to think ahead and try to position her body in brace of the hit to the titan.

She was yards away, now feet, now inches from the gigantic form. Her blades caught the small visible light and flashed in the darkness. Finally she was upon the monster, centimeters from slicing the skin and muscle and immobilizing the beast.

And then, at the last second, the titan’s foot caught the wire to which she was connected and her direction completely changed.

The titan’s foot swung the cable upwards and Darcy screamed as she felt her body fly outwards in a spiral. She could hear Levi call her name as he jumped off of his steed. At this point all the redhead could do was detach herself from the wires that connected her to the titan and hope for the best. There were no trees or houses or anything else for her to connect onto and avoid the crash landing.

As she fell, Darcy saw Levi spin blindingly through the air as he attached himself to the monster. His harness carried him up and over the shoulder to the nape of the neck, where he quickly swung his blades to slice out a huge portion. The titan fell, lifeless, to the muddy waters of the marsh.

And then a pain erupted in Darcy’s knee as she connected with the ground. Blinding white light lit up her vision and a loud ringing echoed in her ears. Water flew up around her, cooling her, but a burning fire blazed through her left leg. She heard a voice – a scream maybe? Was it she who was screaming or was that Levi? – as she rolled to a stop in the mud.

Levi was next to her then, covered in steaming titan gore and mud. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her onto his lap. “Are you okay?” He demanded, brushing off her face.

“…No,” she ground out, grabbing her left leg. Her hands dug into the skin in any attempt to ease the torture. The pain was the most agonizing sensation she had ever experienced. Her teeth ground together and she gasped for air. Levi pressed her leg to test for breaks and she screamed loudly, angrily.

“Darcy, look at me,” he said. “Look at me.”

She refused. Colors were blinding her vision behind her eyelids.

“Look at me, Darcy.” No – she couldn’t. Everything was too intense. “Darcy. Darcy.”

“No.”

“Darcy.”

“NO!” Darcy screamed, jumping up in the bed. Her eyes were wide open, scared. Sweat covered her body and soaked her nightgown and the sheets below her. The first thing she heard was her heavy, labored breathing in the quiet room. She looked around expectantly, looking for the marshy waters, the heavy rain and thunderstorm, the titan’s dead body a few meters away. But all she found was her sweating form sitting up in bed and her husband Levi sitting in front of her.

She caught his grey eyes as her chest heaved. Levi waited, his right hand on her left leg and his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

“It was just a dream,” he said softly and reassuringly. His voice was slightly muffled, yet assuring. And still yet monotone, just like it normally was. “You’re not there anymore. It’s over.”

Darcy did not, or maybe could not, respond. Instead she glared down at her leg, the faint pink scar running across the top of her knee, as hot tears began streaming down her face. Her fists balled up and gripped the blanket tightly until her knuckles were completely white. She bowed her head.

“Really?” Levi asked as he maneuvered to pull her face into his chest. His strong arms wrapped around her heated body. His hands rubbed up and down her back. “Darcy, there’s no need to cry.”

“It’s painful, Levi,” she cried softly, her voice shaky. “That night is my worst memory.”

“I know. I know,” he responded simply. His hand inadvertently began rubbing her left leg. He felt her body shudder against his chest at his touch, and he hugged her harder, closer, and placed his chin atop her head. The toothbrush grazed her hair.

This was usual in the Ackerman household. Darcy often had nightmares about the night she broke her kneecap and tore a tendon in her thigh, nearly taking away her ability to walk. When Darcy awoke screaming in bed, Levi always made sure to be there to comfort her. Sometimes she had a tough time realizing it was only a memory and would run to him, asking if he was okay, asking if the titan had injured him at all. The whole day or two following the nightmare, Darcy also became much more reserved, as if shell shocked.

The injury definitely took away her ability to continue on with the Scouting Regiment. That expedition would be Darcy’s last after serving three years with the corps. He knew Darcy felt like she had so much more to offer for the group, that she had expected to be with the corps until her death, but being unable to efficiently use the three-directional maneuvering gear meant she was done.

Darcy looked up at Levi when she was done crying, her face swollen and red. The faint lines of drying tears stained her face. She could tell he was fighting the urge to tell her how gross she looked and instead he stood up and walked to their shared dresser. He dug through the drawers before returning with an outfit, which he handed to Darcy.

“Here, get dressed. I’ll go start breakfast since I’m off work.”

He walked out, leaving Darcy with only her thoughts.

When Darcy finally made it downstairs after cleaning herself up, Levi was kneeling before the fire, and the aroma of pancakes and sausage filled the apartment.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked quietly.

“Slightly better than ten minutes ago,” Darcy responded and sat at the kitchen table, intently watching her husband. She bit her lip and picked at her fingernails. “…I…I want to go to the stables today.”

Levi turned, ignoring about the food, and looked at the redhead. “Are you sure? I’m here today, I just have to write a report, but I can forget about it. I can write it at work tomorrow.”

Darcy shook her head slowly. “No, it’s okay. I want to take Acorn out. I haven’t seen her in a while and I think she misses me.”

Levi was quiet as he plated up the food and brought it over to the table. He carefully made his wife her plate, setting the food down in front of her as if finishing a masterpiece. He leaned down to kiss the top of her forehead, his hand resting on the small of her back. “I’m sure Acorn does miss you, Darcy.”

Darcy knew she wasn’t acting like her normal self either, but she didn’t know how to make herself feel normal. She left the house, not completely full but at least with something in her stomach, turning down Levi’s offer to walk with her to the Scouting Regiment’s headquarters. She wanted time alone in order to come to terms, again, with breaking her kneecap and tearing the tendon in her thigh. The nightmares always felt so real, no matter how much time had passed. She could feel his eyes on her from the window as she made her way out of the apartment and down the street.

Before she even realized it Darcy had made it to headquarters and checked in with the office about volunteering at the stables. The older lady at the front desk babbled on and on without Darcy even hearing a word, but she must have responded subconsciously because the woman did not seem taken aback by her distance and attitude. Afterwards, Darcy walked quietly and slowly down to the stables, where more than six hundred horses were kept.

“Good morning, Darcy!” a high-pitched voice cried, making the solemn redhead visibly jump. Darcy looked up to see Hange Zoe, a tall brunette woman, walking towards her from the back of the stable. She was dressed in the standard scout uniform: white pants, harness, and brown jacket, but with her typical yellow button-up underneath. Brown glasses covered her eyes with a special band wrapped around her head to keep them in place. “How are you today?”

“Oh…” Darcy stalled, taken aback by the abrupt welcoming. It had been a while since she had seen Hange, about a month or two since Darcy’s last visit to the stables, but the women had always gotten along well and had worked together outside Wall Maria on numerous occasions. When Darcy was part of the corps two years ago, Hange and her had always been partnered together, be it training, scouting missions, and everything else in between. “…Good morning, Hange.”

“Is everything okay? You seem pale.”

Darcy shook her head slowly and stared at her former teammate. “I just…had a bad dream last night. I needed to get away from the house.” Darcy walked over to the stable where her brown mare Acorn was sleeping. She gently brushed her long snout to wake her up.

“Must have been a bad nightmare to bring you here, huh?” Hange asked softly. “If I had to guess, given that you’re volunteering here, I’d say it was about that night.”

Darcy mentally cursed; Hange had always been smart and more than apt to figure things out. She stopped, bowing her head and trying to end the images from flooding back. Acorn began licking her outstretched, frozen hand. She set her jaw to try and stop crying, but Hange’s reassuring hand on her shoulder made that difficult.

“Can I tell you something, Darcy?” Hange asked quietly after Darcy had finally calmed down. The redhead nodded slowly.

The brunette took a deep breath and avoided eye contact as she spoke her next sentence. “…You were the reason I joined the Survey Corps.”

Darcy wiped a tear from her eye and stared up at the soldier incredulously. “Seriously? Me? Of all people?”

“Yeah, I know it’s pretty strange,” Hange said, smiling and chuckling. “I know Erwin was the one who changed your mind; you joined the corps early enough to see him become a captain and really change the way the corps functioned. But when I left the Trainees Squad, I was planning on joining the Military Police…until I saw you practicing with the 3DMG gear at the southern training grounds.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Darcy whispered, her face flushing. She didn’t think anything special of herself when she used to use the gear, but obviously Hange held her in high regard. “I wasn’t that good.”

“No, you were great!” Hange laughed, gently nudging her shoulder. “I’m serious. The way you maneuvered through the air was beautiful and honestly I’ve always tried to recreate that. And that day I saw you; I just had to join to the corps because…well, I wanted to learn from you. And I didn’t care about the costs, about killing titans or being killed by titans or whatever else there may be. You turned out to be one of my best friends. And joining the Scout Regiment is the best decision I’ve ever made, and I’ve got you to thank for that.” This time it was Hange’s turn to blush.

Darcy didn’t know what to say. She kept her eyes to the ground, one of her hands resting on Acorn’s snout and the other falling limply by her side. The tears had stopped a while ago, but fresh ones threatened to creep up for a very different reason. Finally Darcy’s green eyes found Hange’s brown orbs and she smiled the biggest, cheesiest smile she could possibly manage.

“That means a great deal to me, Hange,” Darcy laughed. It felt like Hange knew exactly what to say to make her feel better, to make her forget the torment of her leg. “You’ve become a great soldier too. I mean that a lot; you’ve really improved since two years ago. And I’ve heard they’re looking for a replacement for Leader Roman since he’s retiring in two months. Erwin told me you were in the running.”

“Are you serious?” Hange asked excitedly. She jumped up, throwing her fist into the air. “It’s an honor to even be considered!”

Darcy laughed. “You really know how to cheer a person up!”

Hange smiled back with a similar expression. “Of course, Darcy. Besides, Levi can’t possibly be able to cheer you up with him always being so depressing! So I guess that job falls onto me.”

“Levi isn’t terrible. He can be there for me when he feels comfortable doing so. It actually has taken him quite some time to learn how to open up, though. I mean, it took him almost a year and a half to say he loved me, and even now he doesn’t say it often. But I know when he means to say it.”

“Darcy, you know you can always come to me, right? And in confidence too? E-even if it’s about Levi.”

“Yeah, I know, Hange. I’m happy we’re friends and glad that I can rely on you.”

The brunette smiled cheerily again as Darcy opened the gate to Acorn’s pen, allowing the mare to trot out. Darcy grabbed the saddle hanging over the back wall of the pen and placed it over her horse in order to buckle the seat securely. “Would you like to come ride with me, Hange?” Darcy asked, to which the brunette grinned again and proceeded to bring out her own horse.

Levi Ackerman was sitting at the table in the kitchen when Darcy returned home later that afternoon. He was out of his uniform and instead dressed in a simple cream shirt and grey pants. The wife smiled kindly at her husband and his small piles of paperwork neatly stacked by his complex organization. Though Levi did not return her smile, he did not stare at her as uninterestedly as he would anyone else.

“Did you enjoy your alone time?” he asked as he stood up from the table and walked over to take her jacket from her. He placed it in the closet, neatly folded by her old regiment cloak.

“Immensely,” she nodded, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Hange and I rode to the lake and back.”

“Hange, huh?”

“Yeah, it was a pretty fun day. Hange’s getting better at horseback riding too, she only fell off of her horse once.”

“Hm.”

“You wanna know what she told me?” Darcy asked as she sat down at the kitchen table, Levi taking his previous seat next to her. She gently moved a stack of papers up the table to make room for her elbows, but her husband pushed her arms back and moved the papers to their original position. When Levi didn’t respond to her question, she continued anyways. “Hange said I was her reason for joining the corps. She said that I was really good at using the gear – almost like it was an art form.”

“It is,” Levi agreed. Then he turned up to stare into his wife’s eyes. “And you were good. Extremely beautiful. The least repulsive thing I’ve ever observed.”

Darcy blushed. It may not seem like a compliment, but Levi had a weird way of admitting feelings. This was probably the closest thing to commendation she would ever get from her husband.

“I want to try to re-learn the equipment.”

“Not a chance,” Levi immediately shot down, bowing his head to his report. Darcy visibly huffed and stood up.

“Fine. Then I’m making fried steak and potatoes tonight for dinner.”

Levi looked up at his wife with wide eyes and grabbed her hand to stop her from heading to the stove. “No.” She looked down at him, smiling. She knew that was the meal she burned every single time she made it. In fact, Darcy had even started a small fire and nearly brought the house down in flames the last time she had tried to make that dinner. She was trying to egg a response out of the black haired leader.

Levi frowned, even though he felt happy inside. He was glad his wife was back to normal, at least for the most part. She may still be sad, but she definitely was in a better position than the one she left in this morning. He was thankful to Hange for being there for her in ways he couldn’t be there. And he was grateful that his wife knew she was a terrible cook because there was no way he could lie to her about that like a noble husband should.

“You’re an idiot.”


	3. Expedition

It was still fairly early in the morning on a random Thursday when Levi and Darcy Ackerman walked into to the Scout Regiment's stables. Yet for being so early, the place was packed with soldiers getting ready for the day's expedition outside Wall Maria. The many rows of horses were packed with brown jackets and green cloaks, the voices easily floating through the air and creating an eerie, loud buzz.

Levi began to make his way through the stream of people to the third row of stables where his horse was kept. As the soldiers saw the Senior Lead coming, their voices hushed and they quickly picked up their work. Many moved to the sides to make room for the short leader. But as soon as he had passed, they would slow down and the rumble of voices picked back up.

In one of Darcy's hands she had Levi's green cloak folded neatly over arm and she carried a small brown satchel. With her other hand she grabbed for her husbands fingers in order to keep track of him in the sea of men. She did not feel him pull his hand away, but was slightly disappointed that he refused to hold her hand in return. It was uncommon for him to hold her hand in the first place, but she figured he wanted to seem in authority over the men.

Levi led his wife to the stable that housed his horse, identifying the black stallion by the name on the gate. Even though it read "Buster", Darcy affectionately greeted him with the name "Buttercup". Immediately she felt her husband's glare on the back of her head.

"Buster is such a mean name," Darcy laughed, feeding the horse a carrot she had picked up from one of the cadets. "I mean...he's a sweetheart. He couldn't hurt a fly." Her hands trailed up and down the horse's snout.

Levi quickly set to work preparing his saddle. The wife watched as he stuffed numerous different colored flare cannisters into a satchel and a few supplies for his maneuvering gear into a pouch on the horse's back. She watched curiously, her mind travelling back to the days when she would also be joining the Regiment on the mission.

Darcy looked over her shoulder, back towards the sixth row of horses where Acorn, her mare, was housed. She had had a much lower rank, so her stable had been placed in the back. She figured one of the newer cadets had been given Acorn and would probably be there now, preparing the mare for the expedition. This worried her slightly. Acorn was her horse and the two had connected while Darcy was part of the corps. Without realizing it Darcy sighed and ran her hand through her frazzled red hair. She felt Levi's eyes on the back of her head again.

"...You can go home now," he said softly, but forcefully.

Darcy smiled at her husband's tone.

"What, Levi, are you embarrassed of me?"

"Why would I be embarrassed of you?" He answered quickly, naturally.

Darcy stopped, her heart swelling at Levi's question. She felt like there were many things about her for him to be embarrassed, such as her unruly hair, her pale complexion, her hurt knee, her constant nightmares, or the fact that she was a terrible cook. The list was numerous. She knew she wasn't a perfect wife. She was also hard on herself for these things. In her eyes, Levi was the near perfect being, and she paled in comparison.

To hear her husband ask her why he would be shamed made her feel special and important, as if maybe she wasn't as imperfect. Maybe her hair wasn't as unruly as she made it out to be, or maybe her complexion wasn't so unbeautiful. Maybe she was a great cook after all.

No, Darcy thought sarcastically in her head. She was a terrible chef.

When Darcy did not respond, Levi looked up only to find his wife's face blushing pink and a shimmer to her eyes. "What?" he asked expectantly.

"...Levi..." Darcy breathed, walking to her husband and wrapping her arms around his chest in a tender hug. Levi stiffened, but slowly wrapped his arms around her waist to appease her. He looked down at the female, eyes wide, as if asking why she was displaying affection in public.

Levi frowned as Darcy pressed her cheek against his chest. "I want you to go back home because you need more rest. You were up most of the night worrying about me and this expedition."

Darcy opened her mouth to respond, but before she could utter a syllable, a feminine voice floated through the air and distracted the couple. "Aww, Levi, I've never seen this side of you. You look very compassionate!"

Darcy spun around in Levi's arms to find Hange Zoe at the gate to the stable. The brunette was dressed in the typical cloak and had her hair in its signature ponytail. Her glasses were pulled up to rest on the top of her head. She held the reigns to her horse in one of her calloused hands.

Darcy smiled kindly while Levi glared daggers. "That's Senior Lead Levi to you, shitty brat," he spat.

Darcy turned to swat Levi's arm for using such foul language. He didn't seem to even notice her attack and instead pulled his arms away from her waist. "Levi, that is completely rude! There's no need!"

Levi ignored his wife and instead pointed to the front of the stables in the general direction of the entrance. "Go find Squad Leader Erwin. Tell him our team will be ready in ten."

Darcy smiled apologetically at Hange as she turned to strut away without so much of a salute or response to Levi's order. The redhead shook her head slightly.

There was a pregnant pause before Levi broke the silence, although the ruffling of his cloak signaled he was finalizing his packing. "I need to talk with my team," he stated, referring to the team leads underneath him. He began to pull the reigns to Buster. Darcy jumped and frantically looked around for the satchel she had brought with her.

She found it lying against the wall on the stone floor. "Wait, Levi, wait."

"What now?" he asked darkly. Darcy didn't know what it was, but something about Hange's comment had made her husband frustrated and angry. It was most likely because she had caught him showing affection, something that Levi rarely did in public.

Darcy shot him a glare before opening the pouch and pulling out a sandwich wrapped in wax paper. She walked over to Buster and gently placed the food in a pocket on the horse's saddle. "I got up early this morning and made you lunch. I didn't have to cook it so it should be good. It's your favorite: turkey." She then placed an apple in the pocket and secured it.

Turning away from the horse, Darcy found Levi standing by the front of the stall. His gaze had softened considerably, although the short leader still had some anger etched on his face from Hange. He walked over to the redhead, his boots echoing on the hard stone, and placed a quick, dry kiss to her temple. "Thank you. Now go home and get some rest. I'll be back before sundown."

Darcy bowed her head although she gave her husband a soft smile and gazed up at his grey eyes through her hair. She wanted to give him a kiss goodbye, a real one, but decided not to press her luck. Hange had already angered him enough and no doubt she was probably still lurking around the corner somewhere. So Darcy slowly walked out of the stable, heading towards the entrance as Levi made his way in the opposite direction to search for his team.

On her way out she found Erwin, who was slightly taller than most of the soldiers and therefore easier to notice. He placed a hand on her shoulder as he passed, practically shouting 'good morning' to her so she could hear him over the roar of the soldiers. She pointed in the direction Levi had headed and let him know he was meeting with the team leaders. She also gave him a firm hug around the waist, her eyes tight, wishing him good luck on his mission.

After Darcy had made it through the obstacle course that was the packed stables, she slowly walked home in the morning dew. The air was heavy with fog and slightly dark. The sky was barely beginning to grow pink when she opened the door to the apartment and made her way up the stairs. She fell into a pile on the bed and was just able to throw the covers over herself before she passed out, exhausted.

The ginger awoke some time later, bright sunlight now gently falling into the room through the windows. Voices from the street floated through the thin panes, as well as the sound of chirping birds. The female laid in bed a second, adjusting to her surroundings. Everything seemed peaceful and carefree.

Then a knock came on the door, rapping hard against the wood. Darcy jumped before throwing herself out of bed as she realized the visitor had most likely been the reason she awoke in the first place. She rushed down the stairs and opened the door to find a towering man staring down at her.

The giant rose up to at least six-five, which was taller than even Erwin. He had dark grey hair and a frown that seemed to be permanently etched on his features, further illustrated by the frown lines on either side of his mouth. The man seemed to hold himself with authority, his hands firmly clasped behind his back and his nose in the air as if Darcy disgusted him.

Darcy started, frightened by the man and the stiff authority he seemed to hold. Her green eyes noticed he was wearing a brown jacket similar to her husbands, but instead of the blue winged symbol on the arm, she found a green horse, the insignia of the military police.

The military police were the King's men. Granted, all branches of the military indirectly served the King, but the military police directly served the crown. They normally resided in the interior, the inner of the three walls. It was strange to see one so far out, literally at the border of civilization. Now Darcy understood why the man seemed repulsed by her. He was used to living in the life of luxury, and Shiganshina was literally the furthest thing from the capital in terms of distance and extravagance.

"...How can I help you?" Darcy quietly asked, her cheeks flushing against her wishes. The man's heavy brown eyes bore down on her for a minute before he spoke.

"I wish to speak with a Mr. Levi Ackerman." It wasn't a request, even though the man worded it so.

"I'm sorry, but my husband is not home at the moment. I-Is there something I can help you with?"

The man sighed slightly and produced a letter from behind his back with the seal of the king stamped on it. He held it out but kept a firm grip. Darcy dared not reach for the envelope. "I assume you are Mrs. Ackerman?" Darcy nodded in response. "See to it that Mr. Ackerman receives this letter as soon as possible. By orders of the King himself."

A shaky hand reached out to take the letter from the man's firm grasp before the giant turned and headed down the walkway to a waiting carriage. Darcy quickly noted the expensive design of the car as well as the well-groomed horse pulling the reigns. She was too frightened to even move from the doorway. She could not wrap her head around why someone from the military police would be here to serve papers when they could have sent them by post. She figured they must be extremely important.

After the carriage drove off and Darcy regained use of her shaky legs, she hurriedly buried herself inside the apartment. She closed all the curtains and locked the door. She laid the letter on the center of the dining table and sat beside it on a stool, the house dark around her.

Inside, the redhead was fighting against herself. She desperately wanted to know what the letter said. With such a mysterious man giving it to her, and him being sent from the capital, she needed to know what it contained. On the other hand, the letter was not addressed to her; it was addressed to Levi. It was his mail, for his eyes only, and she had no right to look at it.

Well that's not completely true, Darcy thought to herself as she turned her head to the side and bit her lip. I'm Levi's wife. Technically because that letter is addressed to him, it is also addressed to me, she reasoned internally.

But Levi would most likely kill her if she began to read his mail. And he may not even be mad at the fact that she read his mail, but instead be completely frustrated that she tore the envelope the wrong way. Darcy always figured his cleanliness and neatness would be the death of her some day. Maybe that day would be this one.

Darcy glanced towards the window, trying to figure out the time. It was before noon for sure. Levi would not make it home for another few hours. She couldn't wait that long to find out what the letter contained. Slowly she reached across the table and picked up the off-white envelope, eyes grazing over the important seal. She bit her lip again as she gently tugged one end of the fold up to break the waxy red seal and reveal the letter.

After she had it opened, her green eyes quickly scanned through the cursive scrawl, trying to wrap her head around the message. Almost immediately she felt like she was in a spiral as the words came to life around her and she felt one of her worst fears come true. Her stomach jumped into her throat. The room seemed much smaller now, as if it were closing in and suffocating her.

Tears formed in her eyes. How had Levi hid this from her for so long? To be sent a letter from the throne meant this had to have been going on for quite some time, at least half a year. Darcy felt her face flush red and she fanned herself to cool down. Salty tears flowed down her rosy cheeks.

Darcy remembered her sister's advice from a few weeks ago when they had dinner together. It seemed like a distant memory now, but she could remember exactly what had been said that afternoon as they discussed Darcy's monetary worries.

"I'm sure Levi hasn't told you anything because there's nothing to tell. Trust him."

But how could she trust him now? They had been served papers letting Darcy know just how deeply her husband and her were in debt. Darcy was not sure this was something they would be able to pay off for years.

Darcy stumbled on shaky legs upstairs to the bed where she fell in a heap. The room spun around her and made her feel nauseous. She hesitantly closed her eyes, but couldn't fall asleep. Her heart was racing too fast. She needed to speak with Levi.

Later that night, Darcy sat in the darkening hallway of the Scouting Regiment headquarters. She had tried everything to get her mind off the letter from the king to no avail. She had even scrubbed the house top to bottom twice. The tears had finally stopped flowing but her cheeks seemed to be permanently puffy and red. She looked like a mess with her hair finding any possible way to undo its braid and red blotchiness of her cheeks.

She had come to find Levi, who would by arriving any second now. She had heard the bells when the Regiment had returned, but had not gone down the main street to see the arrival of the soldiers. Instead she headed straight to the headquarters and found a bench outside Levi's office, where she firmly planted herself.

As if on queue, an echo sounded from down the hallway. Darcy turned to find her husband's silhouette briskly walking down the empty corridor. His boots drummed rhythmically on the marble floor. The man himself looked disheveled, his green cloak roughly pulled around his dirty uniform and there were faint red splotches all over his clothes.

As Levi came upon Darcy, he blinked and stared coldly, as if realizing just now that she was in front of him.

"You shouldn't have come," his deep voice reverberated.

Darcy's eyebrows knitted together. Her stomach clenched tighter, if that was even possible. She could only gawk at her husband, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Levi normally was not like this upon return from expeditions. Normally he welcomed her, albeit not with open arms, but he never told her she should not have come to walk home with him. He always relayed to her the information they had discovered, or the information they had hoped to discover as they walked through the city.

Levi's form turned and he unlocked his office. The dark space illuminated as he opened the curtain beside his desk. The short leader began ruffling through papers on his desk, selecting specific ones and discarding all else to the trashcan with a flourish.

Darcy watched and it slowly dawned on her that the mission had been a failure. A bad failure. It was normal for the corps to not return with much useful information, and it was normal for there to be a great number of lives lost; this had been true even in Darcy's days as a member. The redhead came to the conclusion that Levi's team had been decimated and he was taking it rather badly.

Her green eyes softened considerably. She felt bad for the man. She knew he tried to keep up a front of not caring about anyone, even going so far as to hide emotions from his own wife, but Darcy knew that deep down Levi could grow attached to people. And then to suddenly have these people, his co-workers, his own soldiers lose their lives...

The door to Levi's office shut rather loudly and Levi himself began briskly walking down the hallway. Darcy rushed to catch up to him. No words were spoken. Levi's frown remained etched on his features.

"Levi, what happened?" Darcy grew the courage to finally ask as the couple passed over the bridge on their walk home. They had been perfectly silent aside from their shoes meeting the stone streets.

The dark haired man did not answer. He wouldn't acknowledge her in any way. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, keeping Darcy from looping her fingers through his. She could not even remember him looking at her since they had met in the hallway.

The redhead was growing impatient, not only with the silence, but also because she couldn't figure out the correct opportunity to ask Levi about the letter. She desperately needed to know what was going on. Was it a mistake on the throne's part? Were they seriously in trouble? Would they lose the apartment? Would Levi be arrested? These questions circled in her head, now joined by the growing inquiry of the mission. She desired to understand, but she needed Levi to be in the right mood to have any sort of discussion with him. It did not seem like that would be happening tonight.

They were nearing home now, and Darcy's opportunity to speak with her husband was coming to a close. She knew that as soon as Levi walked through that door, he would either bury himself in paperwork, or he would lock himself in the bathroom to bathe. By the time he would emerge, she would already be asleep. Levi would try to avoid the discussion altogether, and she did not know when the next opportunity would come. Generally when Levi acted like this he would begin to spend copious amounts of time at headquarters for "training". At times like these, Darcy did not even feel like she was married to the man.

Darcy's lip was beginning to sting from her biting it, so she took that as a signal to speak again. "...L...Levi.... Please..."

That was all it took for Levi to react. He quickly whipped around to face the woman, staring down harshly at her. His eyes were very cold and distant. Yet his gaze bore down on Darcy and made her feel small, tiny, and insignificant. She immediately regretted saying anything.

This was the side of Levi she wished to never see.

Levi took two swift steps to close the distance between them. Darcy braced her body in response to some unknown attack. Would he slap her? Would he grab her arms? Would he throw her to the ground?

Why did I even ask in the first place?

Darcy squeezed her eyes shut and cowered down in front of Levi, tucking her head closer to her shoulders. She felt Levi's hands slither over her, up her arms, her shoulders, up her back by her hair.

And then she was pulled forward, her nose hitting hard against Levi's clavicle. One of his hands pushed on the back of her head until her face was tucked into the bend of his neck while the other appendage firmly gripped the shirt on her back. It was balled into a fist to hold the clothing. She felt Levi's whole body shiver.

Now Darcy understood. Without verbal queues it was hard to read Levi, but as he held her in a tight embrace, as he practically squeezed the air from her lungs, she felt pity for the man and all the pain he was in. Even though Levi did not cry and refused to admit that he was upset about the deaths, that did not mean that it didn't affect him. He was only lying to himself.

Darcy slowly snaked her hands around Levi's muscular frame. She felt hot tears burn her cheeks as she cried for Levi. She felt his pain and physically reacted in a way he denied.

"...Don't leave me," Levi's unwavering voice whispered in her ear. She felt his breath on her ear. His fist was still tightly gripped to her clothes and she could feel his hand trembling. More tears spilled from her eyes and ran down Levi's chest, where they were caught up in the fabric of his dirty shirt. "...Don't leave me, Darcy.... Farlan.... Isabel.... I can't afford to lose you..."

Darcy saw the image of Levi's old friends. The small redhead and the brown-haired boy who had joined the survey corps with Levi. She had only know the duo for a few short days before they passed away on a scouting mission, but in that short period of time she had discovered how deep the friendship between them and Levi had truly developed. Levi had been a wreck after their passing.

Darcy pressed her burning lips to Levi's, wet tears transferring to his skin. She had a death grip on Levi now. Her eyes were pressed so tightly shut that she began to colors flash before her dark eyelids. When she pulled away, there was only one sentence she could think of to try and calm Levi.

"I will never leave you."


End file.
